Transcript – Gorgias Revisited (5.1)

Will Ferrell (Socrates): Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? I have just been handed an urgent and terrifying news story, and I need all of you to stop what you’re doing and listen.

John C. Reilly (Gorgias): Hold on man, hold…we’ve got to tell him. I’ve always had a lot of great ideas. ♪If someone stood up in a crowd, and raised his voice up way out loud, and waved his arms and shook his leg you’d notice ‘em.

Will Ferrell (Socrates): You fucking crazy man. You sound insane! Do you realize that? You should be medicated.

John C. Reilly (Gorgias): Haha, that’s so funny the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.

Will Ferrell (Socrates): That’s like the opposite of awesome.

John C. Reilly (Gorgias): I’m just having a hard time, man. I’m just calling up for some support.

Will Ferrell (Socrates): Do you know how crazy that sounds.

John C. Reilly (Gorgias): ♪This madness must stop. There is no need to fear. You can have your cake and eat it too, just look at my career. I didn’t cry the blues. I pick silly fights.

Will Ferrell (Socrates): I can’t understand a word you said the whole time.

John C. Reilly (Gorgias): What exactly are you looking for?

Will Ferrell (Socrates): Are you big man? Huh? I’m talking to you!

John C. Reilly (Gorgias):I know the answer, I cannot answer correctly if the inly words I’m allowed to chose from are yes or no.

Will Ferrell (Socrates): You wake up in the morning and say I’m puttin’ on my big boy pants? Look I’m wearing a belt! I got big boy pants on!

John C. Reilly (Gorgias): [Looks Puzzled]

Will Ferrell (Socrates): We don’t…we don’t do that! Do you realize the implications of your actions right now? [Slower] Do you realize the implications of your action right now?

John C. Reilly (Gorgias): I do not have sure knowledge that in the exact form of words you are asking me they have made the direct assertion that…

Will Ferrell (Socrates): It’s not rocket science, just say yes and we’ll move on.

John C. Reilly (Gorgias): That wasn’t that long! He’s only permitting me to give yes or no and I cannot do that and be accurate. I can answer the question, but I cannot give an accurate answer if the only two choices I have are yes and no. If you give me a sentence I can answer. One sentence is all I’m asking for.

Will Ferrell (Socrates): All right, professor dick weed.

John C. Reilly (Gorgias): My allegiance is to the law. I’m paid to uphold the law.

Will Ferrell (Socrates): What are you talking about?

John C. Reilly (Gorgias): I would be happy to restate it.

Will Ferrell (Socrates): You don’t understand, you don’t understand because you don’t understand liberty, you don’t understand freedom.

John C. Reilly (Gorgias): I simply trying to report the views of some scholars I was basing my arguments on.

Will Ferrell (Socrates): Why don’t you shut up.

John C. Reilly (Gorgias):I’m saying there are scholars…

Will Ferrell (Socrates): You just need to let me talk.

John C. Reilly (Gorgias): Respected scholars who have made this argument based on ethnographic research and I’ve read them and that’s the basis of my assertion.

Will Ferrell (Socrates): You do not want to seem get out of this chair, ergo open your yapper one more time and I’m going to architect a world of pain all over your candy ass. ERGO! VISA VIE!

John C. Reilly (Gorgias): This is about…

Will Ferrell (Socrates): CONCORDANTLY!

John C. Reilly (Gorgias): You still got some fight in you. Uh…. I think we’ll give this another day.


John C. Reilly (Gorgias): I just want you to know I hate you. So does my dad.

Will Ferrell (Socrates): Well that’s fine. Cause guess what, I hate you too. And this house sucks ass