00:01 Soft static

00:08 [Female narrator, computer generated] “Your word is: trauma.”

00:13 [Female narrator, human, accented] Trauma. Traumatisme. “Can I have the definition please?”

00:19 [Female narrator, computer generated] “According to Merriam-Webster’s English Dictionary, trauma is: A.) an emotional upset B.) an injury (such as a wound) to living tissue caused by an extrinsic agent C.) a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury”

00:38 [Female narrator, human, accented] Trauma. Traumatisme. “T-R-A-U-M-A. Trauma.”

00:48 [Female narrator, computer generated] “That is correct.” 00:50 Soft static

00:51 [Female narrator, human, accented] I glow as I return to my seat. I am one of three people left in the third-grade spelling bee. I momentarily reflect on the definition of the word I had just been asked to spell, then clear my head with a couple of shakes as I regain focus on my surroundings. After all, I’m just an average person. I will never experience T-R-A-U-M-A. Or so I thought.

01:21 Sirens blare, a soccer ball is kicked, someone is breathing heavily, fire crackles

01:25 [Female narrator, human, accented] Now I am used to it all.

01:28 Fire crackles [Female narrator, human, accented] The flashbacks. The moments where I am doing something else—

01:32 Fire continues to crackle, a siren begins to blare [Female narrator, human, accented] and suddenly, I am triggered.

01:34 Fire continues to crackle, a siren begins to blare, labored breathing begins [Female narrator, human, accented] My eyes glaze over and I sink deep into myself…

01:39 Labored breathing [Female narrator, human, accented] …as I relive past emotions that have gained tenfold strength. And then, I am released from the mental inferno, stranded, forced to pick up where I left off. In the middle of a sentence. Back on the highway, gripping tightly at the steering wheel.

01:55 [Female narrator, human, accented] Circling an answer on a test. At a party. Writing an essay…

02:02 [Female narrator, computer generated] An emotional upset

02:04 Fire crackling [Female narrator, human, accented] That would be the fire, I guess. There is definitely a charred line distinguishing before and after. Happy and sad. Naïve and mature. Child and adult. My mum found me at school during recess.

02:19 Fire crackling, sound of a soccer ball being kicked [Female narrator, human, accented] I had been playing a pickup game of football with my friends.

02:23 Fire crackling [Female narrator, human, accented] My face was flushed and sweaty. There was a grimy mixture of blood and dirt on my knees. The gray material of my uniform was a little ragged and soggy from a slide tackle in the mud. I laughed when she told me the news. What else was I supposed to do? It was a really funny joke seeing that I was average person. Cette merde ne m’arrive pas. She held my hand as we took the bus home. Well, what used to be home. I couldn’t even breathe. The air hurt my lungs as I explored the ashes of what existed before, what could never exist again. The ground was marred where the house once stood. No longer perfect. Forever scarred. There is a slow…

03:13 Fire crackling, heavy breathing begins [Female narrator, human, accented] …deep burn in my chest as I gasp for air. Every breath painful. Every gulp of air compromised by the foul stench of burnt and smoky raw…

03:24 Fire crackling, popping noises [Female narrator, human, accented] …material. With every step, there is a crunch or pop.

03:30 [Female narrator, human, accented] Smoldering wood.

03:32 [Female narrator, computer generated] an injury (such as a wound) to living tissue caused by an extrinsic agent”

03:38 Sound of soccer ball being kicked [Female narrator, human, accented] One minute ago, I had scored the second goal for my team.

03:41 Sounds of fans at a soccer game [Female narrator, human, accented] The atmosphere was ablaze although the air was cold. There was molten lava coursing through my veins although my limbs were frozen. Februarys are cold in Michigan, but I was on fire in front of the goal. The cold air pierced my lungs…

03:56 Sounds of fans at a soccer game, labored breathing begins [Female narrator, human, accented] …as I struggled to breathe, the feeling smokily familiar. There is a slow, deep, burn…

04:04 Labored breathing continues, fire crackles [Female narrator, human, accented] …in my chest. Space opens up on the field and I have a clear shot at the goal…

04:11 Labored breathing continues, fire crackles, a siren blares in the distance [Female narrator, human, accented] …but I have already been triggered. I never saw it coming. I hear a pop…

04:16 Fire crackles, a popping sound [Female narrator, human, accented] …as my face nears the ground.

04:20 Labored breathing, fire crackles [Female narrator, human, accented] My arms are outstretched. I am falling forward. The ball rolls away. Words become muffled. I blink and lose sight of the goal. I hit the ground hard. I am dazed by the impact. When I try to get up, pain courses through my entire body. Using my arms…

04:41 Murmurings of a crowd [Female narrator, human, accented] …I raise myself from my stomach, and find that my legs refuse to cooperate. I look down and immediately wish I hadn’t. Both knees are bent inward at a nauseating angle. A scream escapes me…

04:56 Labored breathing, a piercing scream [Female narrator, human, accented] …as I pop both my knees back into place.

05:01 Murmurings of a crowd [Female narrator, human, accented] I am carried off the field.

05:04 [Female narrator, computer generated] a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury

05:11 Fire crackles [Female narrator, human, accented] I am not an average person. I never make s’mores. I can’t…

05:17 Popping sound [Female narrator, human, accented] …bear the sound of microwave popcorn. I don’t…

05:22 Sound of a soccer ball being kicked [Female narrator, human, accented] …play football anymore. But I won my third-grade spelling bee. I am a super speller.

05:27 Faint breathing [Female narrator, human, accented] I can spell trauma. Trauma. Traumatisme.

05:35 [Female narrator, human, accented] T-R-A-U-M-A.